It was mid-August when a pregnancy test read back to me “positive.” My heart smiled but I am filled with both dread and excitement. I am happy to be pregnant. I want nothing more than to grow my family. But I anticipate the journey of pregnancy to be a tough road ahead. I have seen women lose themselves in it and I have heard horror stories of what women have endured. Being a woman never felt fair, especially on this journey.
But as I have now lived through my first full-term pregnancy, there are so many wonderful things I wish I could assure my younger self. Like letting her know she will not feel weak but rather strong. The fears she holds belong to other women. That there is nothing to fight, this process is natural and beautiful. And the limitations I believe in my mind, only exist there.
When I imagined being pregnant, I imagined being couch-ridden for 9 months. Unable to do anything physical. Whether it be for fun like running, hiking or snowshoeing in the winter, or for fitness to keep up the shape I had worked so hard to get into. Only a couple of months prior to that positive pregnancy test I ran my first marathon. I thought “Will all of that hard work go to waste?” I had not seen enough examples of women keeping up with their physical health while pregnant. I figured it was frowned upon. But after going down a rabbit hole of research, I found that not only does being active while pregnant keep you healthy, but it keeps your baby healthy, too. I am glad that I debunked that myth early on as it was the biggest motivator for me to get up and get after it as much as I possibly could. Besides, I realized it is much easier to get back into shape after birth when you have been active during pregnancy. I understand that there are women who experience complications and debilitating symptoms during pregnancy that prevent them from being active. But this is not the case for all women or all pregnancies. Which brings me to my next point.
In my experience, it appears that women who have had difficult pregnancies tend to share their experiences more than the women who have had easier pregnancies. It is almost as though the women who have had little challenges feel almost guilty because they know how hard it can be for other women. Inadvertently creating this narrative that pregnancy should be feared and dreaded. My personal experience of pregnancy symptoms was nausea for the first trimester. It was difficult because it was all day, all night, every day. But I got through it. After that, all I experienced was physical discomfort late in my third trimester, which is to be expected. I was carrying an extra 20 pounds in one section of my body. But other than that, I genuinely felt like I had an incredible pregnancy. I felt high-spirited, strong, and beautiful. The truth I had to learn is that there are so many symptoms I could experience, but it does not mean I will experience them and very rarely will someone experience them all. It can be reassuring to know that I’m not alone in my struggles. But it can bring more hope knowing that the journey isn’t always as heavy as it may seem.
As far as the struggles of womanhood and the journey of pregnancy goes, I imagined that I would feel a degree of bitterness. Because the reality is, there are sacrifices a woman must make in their personal life and things they will have to miss out on. Physical activities, drinking, eating certain foods, etc. But to my surprise, I felt extremely honored to be the vessel of life itself. I was grateful that God chose me to carry my little girl. (Especially after my miscarriage. See:My Pregnancy Loss Journey). The type of sacrifices I had to make were so minuscule in comparison. Instead of focusing on what I couldn’t do, I learned to focus on what I could do. I tackled the hobby of soup making, I journaled my pregnancy journey daily, and I walked (instead of ran) my way through the months. If anything, the changes I made in my life while pregnant only helped prepare me for the changes I had to make once my baby arrived. If I couldn’t learn to make the best out of the current circumstances, how will I be able to enjoy life once larger changes come?
